what should I do ?

when I can't sleep at night I close my eyes and stare into the dark ... I stare into that blackness that stretches far beyond my closed eyelids ... I know now behind the screen of shut - eye, lies color ... It taunts me, dares me to open my eyes and lose sleep ... flashes of red, orange, yellow and white ... I refuse to open them ... I squeeze my eyelids together tighter to block out the light that keep us awake but a sign that there's life beyond ...

but there's no life in me ... none that I can feel, from where I lie at the bottom of the staircase ... my heart beats quicker now ... It's the only part of me cares, the only part that ever cares ... it fights to pump the blood around to heal, to replace what I'm losing ... but it's all leaving my body as quickly as it's sent, forming a deep black ocean of its own around me where I've fallen ...

rushing ... rushing ... rushing ... we are always rushing ... never have enough time here, always trying to make our way there ... need to have left here five minutes ago, need to be there now ... the phone rings again and I acknowledge the irony ... I could have taken my time and answered it now ... I could have taken all the time in the world on each steps ... but we're always rushing ... the blood continues to rush through me ... rushing ... rushing ... rushing ... maybe I'm rushing again ... maybe it's not my time to go ...